Penniless
by Alene Deirbre
Summary: Hawkmon and Gatomon can't understand why Yolie tried to take her own life, so Kari sings them a song to give them an answer. this story if from Kari's POV


A/N: this is something I just kind of wiped up out of boredom and writer's block for Lord of the Nightmare Soldiers. So please enjoy and be advised that this fic has mentions of suicide.

Oh by the way, this is my first fic written completely in some bodies POV, so please be gentle. I'm trying out new styles for myself.

Disclaimer: Digimon does not belong to me nor does the song Penniless which is by Plumb.

"So thanks to the ever watchful hawk Princess Kaylee was able to wed the gallant knight Kazi, The end." A comfortable silence fell upon the room as my voice faded. Slowly I shut the book I was reading from moments ago. Leaving the world of true love and happily ever after and returning to the cold reality of the world we are bound to.

The fairy-tale I told was over and with the end of the story came the end of the magic, the end of that one moment were you can forget every sorrow you ever felt and be free. The magic left and now all that remained to grant me comfort was the silence. These seconds of peace which lingered from the world of fancy I have just left, but sadly like the fairy-tale the silence did not last forever.

"That was a really nice story Kari." the small creature in my lap commented on my bedtime story. 

Slowly I sifted my gaze from the air in front of me to the small feline in my lap. Glistening white fur, that could shame winter's most beautiful snowflakes and glimmering blue eyes that shone like summer's clearest sky, rested comfortably upon my folded legs. 

"Thanks Gatomon." I replied softly not daring to bring my voice above a kind whisper. Her ears twitched merrily as I stroked her fine fur with a gentle had. 

I loved moments like these, moments where you leave the world you know behind and replace it with the love you hold in your heart. It's so rare to feel comfort in silence, but once you have found it, it becomes the greatest comfort you could ever know.

"Kari, would you tell us another bedtime story? Please." A bird like creature pleaded, his reform British accent gave his voice a very mature tone even when he was begging.

This time a small giggle escaped my lips as I smiled sweetly at the digimon perched across from me. "Sure Hawkmon, what story would you like to hear?" my voice came out gentle, it was a tone I adapted over the last year. A rule I force myself to follow, never brake the silence unless it is with a gentle whisper.

Hawkmon smiled cheerfully at me obviously pleased that I was allowing both him and Gatomon to stay up past their bedtime. They both hated to go to bed early, but I had to set rules, these two are both so active during the day, if they don't get at least eight hours of sleep then they'll be grouchy.

Hawkmon's cheerful smile faded, I couldn't figure out what story he would want to hear that could possibly change his gleeful mood to dolor. "Hawkmon is everything all right?" I tried not to sound too concerned, the bird digimon hated it when I fussed over him, but even his persisting that he didn't need my sympathy couldn't drive the desire to comfort him away.

"I was just wondering if you could tell me why Yolie was so sad, and why they sent her away because of it?" 

Not this question, please not this question. I pleaded and pleaded for my mind to have heard wrong, but it was no use. This question, it didn't come up often, but when it did I could never answer it. How do you explain to digital creatures who don't deal with death the way we do that some people can grow so sad that they simply want to die? It was impossible death isn't permanent for them, and suicide is never an issue in their world, but this isn't their world. 

Dizziness began to cloud my senses so I slowly leaned my head back and allowed my bed to support some of my weight. I could feel haunting memories float into my conscious thoughts, as I grew too tired to fight them. 

I could remember the events of seven month ago perfectly. I was in this very room resting on this very same bed that I leaned upon now, Gatomon was napping next to me as I carelessly flipped through a photography magazine. My radio was going, I loved noise then, it was so easy to simply turn on your radio and mellow. You didn't have to think when the music was blasting and you're occupied with something of no importance. 

I couldn't hear the phone over the music, so my brother answered it. A minute later he called me into the living room. I remember being agitated because I had to move from my comfortable position just to answer the phone, if I had known how much that call was going to effect my life, I probably would have never took it. I would have stayed in my careless state of mind for as long as possible.

I answered the phone with my usual cheerful hello, but the greeting I received in return was defiantly not cheerful. After the first couple of worlds everything became a blur. My best friend, my DNA digivolve partner had tried to take her own life. 

I can't remember anything after that except for the sound my phone receiver hitting the ground with a sickening thumb, followed by darkness.

"Kari are you all right?" I could hear Gatomon's voice calling me out of my thoughts, thoughts that less than a year ago had no meaning to me, but now are the thoughts that dominate my mind most of my waking hours.

My eyes readjusted from the blurry state they had fallen under once my mind began to drift. As they refocused I could see Hawkmon, looking at me with innocent eyes racked with confusion. I couldn't look at him for long; I had to turn my eyes from the broken digimon's sorrowful gaze.

Am I so weak that I can't even offer answers to those who are suffering, am I so worried about my own pain and confusion that I can't comfort this poor creature. 

I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and oh how much I wanted to simply let them fall, but I knew I couldn't. I had to be strong for Hawkmon. Strength was never an attribute of mine. Yolie, she was strong. I envied her so much for her strength, she told me I was the strongest person she knows, but she was wrong I'm not strong. I'm not strong because I cried, for weeks upon weeks I cried for my friend, cried for myself because I didn't see that my friend was hurting. Then Hawkmon moved in, and I stopped crying, it was the least I could do for Yolie.

To ease other's heartache is to forget one's own, and that's what I did. I laid my shattered heart beside and I tried to comfort him. But now what do I do? He doesn't want comfort he wants answers.

"Kari, I'm sorry. It was a stupid question, you don't have to tell me it's all right." 

I shook my head at the bird digimon. "Both of you get into bed." I ordered softly. The two obeyed immediately. Gatomon jumped onto my bed and curled up at the end, while Hawkmon flew onto the perch I had bought for him.

I stood up slowly and looked at the two creatures. They still watched me with curiosity as I sat upon the chair at my desk. A gently hum radiated from my voice box following the melody of a song that had crossed my mind every time I thought of my beautiful friend Yolie and what she had told me once. 

"I will never be someone better, I want to leave my world, and be come someone great." 

The melody grew louder as I hummed the beat of the song; soon the sorrowful hum began to form words.

__

"Blind soul lost in Chicago

She fell asleep under a bridge

Drowning out the sound of her sorrow

She's finding it hard to exists

She keeps running into herself hoping to find somebody else

She keeps running into herself hoping that she'll get out of wonderland

Fame and fortune didn't become her, so she says penniless

Needing so much more than tomorrow as she stares at the scars on her wrist

She keeps running into herself hoping to find somebody else 

She keeps running into herself hoping that she'll get out of wonderland"

As my voice faded into the silence I craved so badly I could see the two digimon resting peacefully. All they wanted was an answer, anything I could offer them, I just wish that my mind could be at peace so easily.

I wish someone would explain to me why.

__

She keeps running into herself hoping to find somebody else

She keeps running into herself hoping that she'll find somebody better

She keeps running into herself hoping that she'll get out of wonderland

~*~*~

Why can't my stories ever turn out as good on paper as they do in my head? Oh well I guess that's another unsolved mystery. Well please review, flames will be accepted since I know how horrible this turned out.


End file.
